‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even Abe Weishaus;
The manuals were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that a 6 or a 10 would soon be there;
Actuarial students nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of flashcards danced in their heads;
With all the benefits of GOAL, passing will be a snap,
So now I can settle down for a long winter’s nap,
Then out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny actuarial reindeer,
With a little old driver, so lively and tan,
I knew in a moment it must be ACTMan.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
“Now, Markov! now, Annuity! now, Copula and Contingency!
On, Risk! on Benefit! on, Reserves and Probability!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”
As problems that before the actuarial exam tactics fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of study materials, and ActMan too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I calculated the situation, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Mr. ACTMan, he came with a bound.
He was dressed sharply in an ASM ACTEX collared shirt
But his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and dirt;
He opened his pack, and manuals fell to and fro,
And he had flash drives filled with courses that put actuarial eyes aglow
His eyes — how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
He could calculate reserves on the fly with an old Blackberry
An old tarnished slide-rule he held tight in his teeth,
And the multivariable calculations encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a narrow bespectacled face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his task,
And filled all the stockings with manuals and flash drives(DRM free if you ask)
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
A RISK-FREE CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!